Lucy’s Neighborhood

Slipping asleep I wonder,
Which is better,
The peace of solitude,
Or the peace of having another.
At this dark, silent hour,
I cower beneath the sheets,
Press indignantly into my pillow,
I know the answer.
I pull the cover closer
to warm
the chill in my shoulder.

03:55

Eye witness reports confirm Happy Pork Butts in the U City Loop...

Pork Butts Revisited

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Available for immediate adoption...

Ugly Dolls

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Hand fed and thoroughly tame Ugly Dolls.

Ugly Dolls 2

Walls of Ugly Dolls ready for immediate adoption.

The awesome folks at Star Clipper Comics in the U City Loop gave me permission to photograph their lovely collection of adoptable-to-the-public Ugly Dolls.

December 19, 2009 009

7:42 pm

Ryan gets all his medicine. 

8:19 pm

My son has been put into his bed by me 5 times now.  I am in his bed.  He struggled with me to get out of bed each time and I am just so, exhausted that I cannot chase him anymore.  Well, at least all the doors are locked.  Also, his Dad is still down stairs watching television. 

8:43 pm

I went down to get myself something to drink.  Anyhow my son saw me and said, "time to go to bed, mommy pick me up."  I told my son you are too big now so I cannot carry you up the stairs anymore, but mommy still loves you very much.  He walks up the stairs.  I got in bed and before I could even turn around to grab him he was downstairs again.  I will chase him again tomorrow night.  I seriously am run down.  The sharing of night duty has not went so well.  I need zzzzzzz  zzzzzzzz  zzzzzzzzz's! 

9:09 pm

He came and got in bed again.  Then two minutes later he said he was hungry.  He went down to tell his dad, but instead I believe all he has done is yell that "there is a fire in the house."

9:15 pm

I had enough, so I made him a peanut butter sandwich, we got a drink, and went to his bed.  I gave him a massage on his legs and back. 

9:37 pm

Ryan finally went to sleep.  For some reason it was totally different tonight than the night before..  Tonight he kicked and hit me and really struggled to get out of the bed.  He did not want to go to sleep tonight.     

9:48 pm

Ryan woke up yelling for a fire.  Hist Dad told him that he would make a fire tomorrow.  Ryan wanted it today.  

9:57 pm

Ryan is quiet and sleeping!  Hopefully he stays that was.  During the past seven minutes he has talked and cried in his sleep, but he is quiet now.  : )

10:39 pm

I slept for about 20 minutes and Ryan woke up saying, "Come on let's go mommy.  Their coming."  He then goes out into our hallway upstairs and repeatedly shuts each of the five doors over five times each, over and over.  Now he is crying come on Mommy and went back to slamming the doors.  I am so sleepy and tired.  This is my life over and over and it never ends.  Ok last night he slepts and it will be interesting to see how often he wakes up now that I am dilligently keeping this journal.

This time he woke up he had no violent inclinations.  He talked to me like we were all nuts and it was time to wake up for the day.  But, these nights with no sleep lead to days that are just horrible for him.  He honestly will not be able to control his actions if he does not sleep.  He will not be able to concentrate so his playing and drawing will not be options for him to do.  His time will be occupied with opening every door in the house 5 times and shutting them 5 times,  How do I know what is coming tomorrow, ahhh because I am his mother and this has happend over and over,

11:17 pm

Well, we have shifted locations from his bedroom to the family room so that he can look at the tree.  Sometimes, lately his fascination with the Christmas tree has helped him to lay still enough to cross over into sleepy land.  Did I say I was tired?  This up and downs stuff really messes with my sleeping patterns.   Some days I feel like a zombie along with my son because I am so tired from his ups and downs.  

He is asleep again.  Dear God in heaven, please let my child sleep!

12:00 am

  My son finally went to sleep.  He is on the couch sound asleep.  Sigh, Sleep content sleep!

1:11 am

So, I am really excited that he is asleep.  But, my schedule is so messed up it will take me awhile to get back on track.  It is hard to go back to sleep sometimes even if you are exhausted, especially when you wake up and go to sleep then wake up and go to sleep repetitively.  Well, it is goodnight for me finally. 

My sleeping logs are for the doctors, but I thought it might help others to know that they are not alone.  Plus if anyone has advice, I am more than open. 

Caitlin and Machiavelli

My daughter is nine years old.  I love her so much.  But, it is selfish for me to not send her out to our family to get her out of this house as much as I can when her brother is having trouble.  So, at the moment I am in limbo.  By the way, that is my cat Machiavelli.  He was 12 and died with diabetes two summers ago.  That picture is one of my favorites of Catilin with Machi.  She absolutely loved the cat. 

My son is still crying and screaming!  He tears my heart out with this.  The doctor said, "Let's try this medicine till after Christmas and then see how he is doing."  I have a feeling that we are going for a small hospital stay to figure out his medicine.  One all is good, but then turn around and look back and there is a pattern.  What is the pattern?  That really is the key to my son sometimes.  What are the environmental factors when he does said action?  Who are the people around him and what are they doing and saying. etc..when said action occurrs?             

This last regression really has thrown me for a loop because the only thing I can figure out is that he is good in our quiet moments.   

I decided to stay in Seattle for the holiday after much hemming and hawing and then more hemming and a little waffling. I feel bad about it. I would like to see most of my relatives, but not in conditions that are hostile to sanity. So I'll be spending a quiet week in (and out of) my quiet apartment. Here's what I plan to do:

• Catch up on laundry
• Read Proust, Rorty, and Murdoch
• Write my year/ decade - end lists, analyses, etc.
• Find some new music to listen to
• Clean the bird cage
• Vacuum
• Go to a movie (which one? dunno)
• Watch the 2 Netflix I've had for 6 weeks
• Re-order my Netfilx queue
• Send a holiday letter to my uncle Phil in Sweden
• Drink some brandy & eggnog
• Do yoga
• Sell some books
• Make a mix CD to give to friends
• Plan a quick trip to Portland next week
• Go to my ex-husband's xmas-eve punch party
• Go for a run or 3
• Make myself a nice meal
• Figure out what I'm doing with my life

Well, that last one may extend past this week...

Waiting for our Holiday Special at Swiss Chalet. It's a tradition with us now, every year after the Christmas Pantomime, we head here for our quarter chicken meal and Lindor chocolate truffle dessert treat! Simple pleasures.

* I got my Food For Boobs cookbook today in the mail! I love it. Great job Melanie! Lovely wee gift and the money goes towards BustaMove too. Bonus! Chockfull of yummy recipes. I am looking forward to trying Mexican tabouli, Fried feta & marinated pear salad, Chicken with Thai noodles and Peanut sauce, Tognetti's Bolognese, Maple curry pasta, English toffee.....nom, nom, nom, I think I had better stop now. You can order it from the sidebar on the right if you are interested.

* Here's a fun thing to do. My friend Mary, decided to collect pennies last year. She made a  decision last December and kept a lookout for pennies all year. She rolled $129 dollars worth this month! She did it in half hour increments while watching Coronation Street! I'm thinking it might be fun to do the same thing. I'm going to keep a big pot and write today's date on it and start from right now. See how much I can collect by Dec 21, 2010. Mad money!!

* I got a Christmas card in the mail last week from a pal whom I've only met once. We met in Greece at a place called Claire's House where everybody sits together for breakfast. I was a young thing on my way to the Islands and he was on his way back to the US or it might have been the other way round can't remember now. We had a really great chat and exchanged addresses as travellers do. Well, over 25 years later, we are STILL exchanging Christmas cards!  That's all, just a card and hello each December  but it is another tradition I look forward too:) He is a poet named George Ellenbogen. I have yet to get my cards out this year (I know, I know) but I will manage a few.

* Just made a loan this morning via Kiva to the Pure Joy Group in Ghana. Don't you love their name?? 62 other Kiva lenders and I made the $1,775.00 loan and it will be used to buy goods in bulk to expand business. This is my 11th loan and I must say it is an easy way to make a difference and learn about the world. It is interesting choosing who to help. I tend to pick women to help. You can do it in $25. increments which is great. It gives me a lot of joy.

* Hooray! Daylight will start to reclaim it's territory starting tomorrow. Winter has officially started. Longest night of the year tonight. Light a candle and enjoy.

I am keeping this here on my blog until Dec 30th. The BustaMove BIG PRIZE DRAW , hoping that you might be interested in donating $10 to help purchase a digital mammogram machine & be entered in our fabulous draw. Help make the boobs of Nova Scotian women merry! Thanks to all of you who have done so already:)) Prizes are continuing to be added:) Latest is a CD by Shannon Quinn! Winner takes all. Great odds!

December Views

it was full of seaweed: 

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Made a spam comment on one of my posts, trying to sell Viagra.