a dream of making love (revised).

Jun 17, 2009 at 9:22 AM
12 comments

a dream of making love

you cry at me sharply like a peacock

stripped of plumage your fecund greens,

your violent blues your crazy eyes

all gone from you

we have never I am dreaming

moonlight spills so many pearls

from hidden oysters

Lucy Simpson

Seattle, 1/14/2009

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I don't get that "we have never" line Lucy

even when I read it in this format and in every

possible way. It seems dijointed to me.

The theme of naked peacocks

screaming does not do much for me

either, but the poem works in

its own way. Just that line jars.

[this is good]

I'm laughing at your comment. Some things we just don't get and others we do. The "we have never" line refers to making love, which is just a dream. I wanted to convey a fierceness in the poem and a dream-like quality. I may have failed with the piece, but I am still attached to the peacock image, at least for now. I also wanted to show how two humans can become naked emotionally to one-another.

As for formatting, i wanted space in the poem. This is an inventive, experimental piece for me that is less traditional than my usual style. It may be too bizarre for its own good. ; ) Was written based on a dream I had in January about a friend.

Lucy, the mad experimenter

Dreams can be very powerful L

I will probably have this dream tonight!

:-)

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I like this, including the disjointedness. but agree with eric about the "we have never" line.

lovely though :)

I'm a bit mystified by this one too -- the idea of stripped peacocks screaming at each other, seems pretty contrasty to the notion of 'making love'. I do like the look of the poem with its open spaces and room to breathe tho.

Mostly I admire your invention and willingness to take risks in your work.

xxx - Fiona

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I love it. It's wonderful just the way it is.

The beauty of emotional nakedness is that it often is completely misunderstood by those on the outside.

Our dreams give us bizarre imagery to work with, and our sexual dreams seem to take that to a different, more elevated, level. There's a primal nature in this poem, that *does* describe accurately the buzz a person feels when they wake from something so taxing as the idea of making love (ravenous sex?) to a friend.

I also think we, as readers, often forget to take something personal away form a poem. Instead we spend a lot of time attempting to determine what the authour was going through or is trying to describe. It's difficult to let that go for a moment or two and simply let what we read give shape to our own experiences.

Everyone sees different shapes in the clouds. Then again, *that* is expected.

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I may have to fix that line then. This is one of the problems with "experimental" poetry. It is often too experimental for its own good. I once wrote a two page poem on a Werner Herzog film in my twenties. I think the poem was stranger than the movie, which didn't bode well.

Lucy

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leave out the peacocks and have fun!

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Thanks Fiona. I like it that the people on Vox make me feel safe to fail at a poem and to keep trying. It is honest, good critique that is so helpful to me.

Lucy

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Thanks Michelle. I will tweak that "we have never" line a bit, but leave in my peacocks. I think love can be fierce and scary at times - that emotional vulnerability. I have felt stripped of plumage before.

Lucy

Lucy, I admire that you're writing so much, so productive and trying so many new things! I wish I had more time to write.

[this is good]

Snatch it is transit. Write on napkins. Whatever you have to do.

Lucy

a dream of making love (revised).

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