Mother Gothel, a poem of Rapunzel's

Dec 29, 2008 at 7:47 AM
12 comments

Mother Gothel

Sometimes I see her in my insomniac wanderings

when the building panes gape like bruised mouths

I see a shadow with its spine bent all wrong

a vertebral spiral staircase

I hear crunching of carcasses and the crying, infantile

over abandoned grease drums

I am always trying to forget her, but I keep finding her

in every bag lady who haunts a street corner

who clutches me to her breasts and sings me lullabies

ditties from across oceans of brine and bone

Lucy Simpson, Seattle 12/2008

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I appreciate the monochromatic tone of this and lines like "when the building panes gape like bruised mouths," but it seems a little unfinished. I would like to see Rapunzel's mischievious, witty side, the alternate twin to this poem.

I'll think about it. Thanks for commenting. I think I like leaving it as a haunting.

I think I might need a unicorn chaser with this one. Brrrr.

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There are stories everywhere, even in abandoned alleys.

Not surprisingly, I love the reference to the ocean the best. It is full of skeletons.

I had to look this one up. Not very nice Doug! Tssk Tssk..

Aubrey, we think alike methinks. Thanks for commenting and being an inspiration to me.

There is something very primal in the Mother Gothel figure. She

is associated with both Witch and Godmother in the German

language I believe. The two associations can be both chilling and

at the same time point to a warmer crone-wisdom.

This again is a rich vein you have struck here Lucy. I like the poem a lot

but would make some suggestions.

For me, the first line is just a long way to justify an certain reality.

Poems don't need that kind of prologue. I would start on the second line

which is much stronger. If you keep the two-line compostion you will

have to re-work it of course, but I really think you should.

I would take out "vertebral" in the next couplet (you have already

mentioned "spine." (Love the stanza though)

Yes, I really like the fact that we see the Witch or Crone/Godmother

figure in every bag lady depending on our perception. The Godmother

figure can be wicked and good in the blink of an eye. As in the role

played by Fairy Godmothers in Folk lore. I like the way you have placed

all these ideas into the mean streets of a city-scape.

The last lines are about perfect.

If it were my work, I would let it settle for a while. I feel there is something more

to be said here, and it may come to you.

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Thank you so much Eric for the detailed critique. I will nix that first line and put something more descriptive and less prosaic in its place. There is a more confessional poem about the old bag lady who I was friends with when I was eleven. She'd feed me from her hands and hold and pet me.

Lucy, who is scared to go there, but will

a vertebral spiral staircase

I hear crunching of carcasses and the crying, infantile

I like the sound of R and C in these lines.

Really enjoyed this poem

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Thanks Ukifune. It will probably go through one more revision, before the book is done.

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hi Lucy!! I'm back.... I haven't posted or been on Vox for a while. I love this. I've always felt very close to the homeless women I see.... so little separates "US" from "THEM." Happy new year!! :)))

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That is very true. It seems that many times the poorest will share what little they have. On our way cross country years ago we encountered a homeless family. They shared a birthday cake with us, but wouldn't take our offer of shelter. The ability to share is such an important thing in human nature. Poverty robs people of this simple civility.

Likewise, the neighbors across the street, who are very poor, always bring us plates of food. They seem to not like us to return the favor. Could be my cooking sucks. ; )

Lucy

Mother Gothel, a poem of Rapunzel's

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