the bird heart
Take out the heart of the dead bird and swallow it whole, and every morning early, when you get up, you will find a gold piece under your pillow." Donkey Cabbages, Grimm, Jacob and Wilhelm. Household Tales. Margaret Hunt, translator. London: George Bell, 1884, 1892. 2 volumes.
the bird heart
the old woman cursed you
the wheel of bird heart
turns and burns inside
each night, the moon
spills out your mouth
it chokes you
your hand, cold lye
places the coin under the pillow
usurper's right
inside all flutters
in dismay
in ribcage
a warbling comes
when you try to woo
a young woman
you wrap yourself in your cloak
wishing to be elsewhere
anywhere, but in the room
with the laughing woman
Lucy Simpson
Seattle
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Comments
Lucy
Lucy
Hi Lucy
a tremendously interesting theme and one with endless
potential. The whole 'bird/heart' image is such a rich mine
to excavate.
On the whole this is a satisfying work, and I agree
with Renee about the last stanza, although I find it less
"chilling' more darkly humerous. A bitter-sweet slice
of the human condition.
The image of the moon spilling out of the mouth
does not work as a choking simile for me.
Surely the moon spilling into the mouth would be a
better metaphor here? Of course, something coming out
of your mouth like bird-song works, but if this was your
intended association I find it a little too distant.
"your hand, cold lye
places the coin under the pillow
usurper's right"
Nothing wrong with these lines Lucy, but I think
the idea behind then needs a little more exploration,
despite the suggestion in the intro, I feel you need
to develop this sub-theme more.
I like the subject and am impressed with the
composition as a whole, but feel it needs some
expansion here and there.
All the best
e
Damn should have run the above comment through spell-check!
:-) e